Journaling Tips For Beginners (From Someone Who Keeps Record of Her Whole Life)

I’ve been journaling since I learned how to form coherent sentences. As a child, my favorite days involved going to Claire’s at the mall and picking out a new diary with a lock and key, even though I already had a few of them in a box under my bed. I’m an external processor and an introvert, so I needed an outlet that was also a secret place.

It was therapeutic for me to keep track of my interests and patterns because in order to cope growing up, it was better for me to forget myself and “become” the people around me. But in my journal, I was always myself, and I built fantasy lands for my brain to find safety and for my nervous system to return to equilibrium. I would always find myself there.

To this day, my journals are archives of my thought processes, emotional dumps, affirmations, lists, drawings, goals, and dreams. When times are difficult, I know I have a space to fill with unedited thought. Journaling is my escape.

photo by Leah PUttkAmmer of Gray Kammera (Go Follow Her! She’s an incredible human.)

Emotional Addiction + Journaling

This past year or so, I’ve begun a healing journey deep into my subconscious and childhood memory. I’ve uncovered parts of myself that I had ignored or rejected in those early developmental years. Unfortunately, the layers that once served as self-protection have decayed into self-sabotage now that I’m an adult.

In this process, I discovered a concept called ‘emotional addiction,’ where your nervous system craves certain emotions and chemical hits because it learned that was “safe” or that ever-present chaos and anxiety meant that someone loved you or cared about you. (Learn more by following @the.holistic.psychologist)

I found that the more I journaled about my panic (thinking I was working through my issues), the more panicked I became. The more I “processed” my fear of abandonment, the more hyper-focused I was on all the signs that I might not be emotionally safe.

My counselor told me to take a break from journaling for a week and see how I felt. I found that the way I was frantically documenting every event and every conversation was preventing that heavy energy from moving through my body. It created a feedback loop, intensifying the very emotions I was trying to release.

I needed to find a new way to journal, and get back to the ways I wrote as a kid, the ways that felt like safety and peace. While it’s certainly necessary and valuable for me to process my emotional energy and thought life, I’ve introduced a few different kinds of journaling into my practice as a reminder to notice all the energy around me, not just what’s going wrong.

MORE OF THIS

1. list of good

   This is similar to a gratitude list. It’s a punchy, short list where I reflect on all the beauty in my day, including the things that started off terribly and turned into something wonderful.

2. brain dump

   This is a task list ONLY, nothing emotional, just stuff that I need to do that’s taking space in my brain. It’s also not a to-do-right-now list, or something to act upon immediately, but a reference for when I’m feeling like I’m forgetting something. I have a new rule where if the task can be completed in 5-10 minutes, I do it straightaway, to prevent this list from piling up and becoming overwhelming.

3. “what I needed to hear"

   When my emotional needs aren’t met by the people around me, I’ll write out what I needed to hear in the moment, then read it out loud. This is a form of reparenting/inner child work that I learned in counseling, and it’s been a lifesaver for me. It helps release the pressure for my relationships to meet my every need, and I can give the moment more space to breathe.

4. what I want to learn/what I love/what I desire

   This is a fun one! I’m an Enneagram 9, which means one of my deepest fears is losing people I love or creating conflict because I’ve expressed my own preferences and desires. The type nine tends to forget themselves and “fall asleep” to what they want. They tend to hide in relationships and ‘merge’ to the preferences and desires of the more dominant personalities around them. When I make the “what I love” list, it’s a beautiful way for me to remember that I have things I enjoy, and it’s ok if other people don’t get it or misunderstand me. I have my own desires, and I belong to myself.

5. prompt writing/creative writing

   This is a method of writing I learned in a workshop with The Fold here in Nashville (Go follow them, @thefoldnashville!) Most of my poems and prose are written from single word, image, or quote prompts, thanks to their workshop. I feel more confident speaking my truth because of that safe and vulnerable space to write and share without judgement or criticism. It’s a lovely way to move some energy through and connect with your unseen patterns and the themes that run through your life.

LESS OF THAT

1. trauma obsessing

   As previously mentioned, I no longer want to intentionally relive painful moments of my life for the sake of “processing.” I’m allowed to take a break from the deep and heavy work. I’m meant to exist fully in the present moment, to learn from the past in order to reframe it or release it, not obsesses over it and bring that energy with me into the future.

2. negative moment "deciphering"

   In my journalling sessions, I would often overthink about the negativity in my life in order to figure out what went wrong and how to make sure I’d never experience that discomfort again. But what you focus on is what you begin to see everywhere, creating self-fulfilling prophecies that keep you stuck in old cycles. If I find my journaling session moving into this territory, I do my best to scan for any false messages about my identity and turn them into affirmations.

   For example, if I find a story about how I’ll never have what I want and I don’t feel like I’m being taken care of, I’ll write a truth to combat that thought when it shows up again, like: I am worthy of my desires. I am accepted and deeply loved. I am moving at my own pace.

These are just some practices that support me in this stage of my growth. I don’t do ALL of these methods in EVERY journalling session. They’re just tools in my pocket for when I want to journal, but don’t know where to begin. They give me some structure in order to prevent spiraling and over-thinking from being the only way I write.

To learn more about trauma-informed mental health, follow @minaa_b and @the.holistic.psychologist

To learn more about prompt-based first-draft writing, follow @thefoldnashville and attend a workshop if you’re a local!

Hope you enjoyed this trip into my brain.

Talk to you soon!

Frani <3

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MORE OF MY THOUGHTS:

May 2020: Poetry Reading + Graphics

I keep preparing for rain

and it never shows up.

I feel two drops

and I rush inside,

rush back from the walk,

cover the wolf-spider

living in the jar.

But then,

the sun came back out,

and the clouds turned

orange and fuchsia that night.

I could’ve gone outside

for a better view, but

I wanted everything

to go my way,

so I missed it.

Let my dog out in the dusk,

and she turned blue.

I could’ve been blue too.

(20200408)

This poem carries many meanings for me.

Unfulfilled desire. An attempt to control everything and be prepared, only to have circumstances change rapidly. Feeling disconnected from the moment. That low hum of irritability, that tends to build up and burst on undeserving passers-by.

In therapy, I’m learning how to allow my emotions to exist without judging them as ‘good’ or ‘bad’. I’ve had to learn to allow myself to be sad, to be angry, to be fearful, to be jealous, then to listen to the messages they have to give me.

Sadness taught me that I have expectations and preferences. She gives me perspective and encourages me to slow down and release. She allows me to grieve and let the heaviness go.

Anger taught me to notice where I’m being taken advantage of or overlooked. She gives me the fire to speak up and show up for myself. She gives me the strength to create boundaries and honor my time.

Fear taught me that my life is valuable. She keeps me awake, alert. She reminds me that I’m capable of creating the life I want, that I’m seen and accepted as I am.

Jealousy taught me that I finally have clear desires and goals. On those days when it’s difficult to watch others enjoy aspects of life that I crave, she reminds me to check in with my pace. To remember that everything meant for me will come my way. To take this time to prepare the soil and nurture the seedlings.

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SAVE THIS PHOTO FOR A FREE LOCKSCREEN:

(It’s also available on my INSTAGRAM story highlights to screenshot under ‘POETRY’.)

WATCH THE POETRY READING HERE OR ON IGTV:

ORIGINAL POETRY AND MORE ON THE ‘GRAM:

April 2020: Poetry Reading + Graphics

I am made of air and space.

It’s no wonder I tend to deflate in this shell.

I spin and shrivel when I ignore my frame.

(20190329)

I wrote this poem during a season of redefining self care, around this time last year.

I was reflecting in a journal entry from the same day, “Self-care is intentional and vital. You do not stumble into self-care; it is a practice and a discipline. Accidental self-care is avoidance. Give yourself space to experience all the things you encourage and advise others to do.

I can’t accidentally clean my house or journal, or do yoga and feel connected to my body. I forget the inherent reward those actions bring; the focus, clarity of mind, the breath, the space.”

Then that poem emerged, something about my true nature, my elemental state, and what happens when I neglect to take care of her. I didn’t write for days after that.

Reading my own words a year later, I find them to be a bit harsh, a bit blunt like the stern parent who needs to be clear about what’s important. I tend to speak to myself more gently these days, but I suppose I needed to be honest with myself because of how numb I was becoming, locked in my routines and habits.

But the poem that this discipline birthed still resonates with me.

This poem is featured on the April page of my 2020 Homeostasis Calendar. (There are three of them left, If you need some brightness and light-reflection in your year.)

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Save this photo for a free lockscreen!

(It’s also available on my INSTAGRAM story highlights to screenshot under ‘POETRY’.)

WATCH THE POETRY READING HERE OR ON IGTV:

QUESTIONS FROM THE VIDEO:

What are you made of? What creates your sense of self?

How do you pay attention to what you're made of? How do you notice yourself?

What do you experience when you're not paying attention to yourself?

Morning Routine for February

A morning routine begins the night before— A full stomach, a warm bed, a clean face and body, a book, a drawing, deep breaths. [This is the fastest way for me to fall asleep.]

My ears wake before my eyes. I ask my body what she needs. [Sometimes she needs to linger in bed, sometimes she needs to wake up and pee.]

I drink water. I pet the dog. [It’s an attempt to stay off my phone right when I wake up, but I have compassion if my lizard brain goes straight for the phone.]

I start slowly, journaling, sipping coffee. Yoga is a must, as I thank my body for carrying me through the night. I thank my breath for always returning. [Mornings are my favorite time of day; there's something beautiful about each day being brand new.]

I’ve begun speaking out loud “Today is a good day. I have love to give. I have a place to live. I have so many opportunities. Anything can happen.” Call it a prayer; call it a mantra. [This keeps me in an open posture, whether I’ve woken up early or late, whether I’ve spent “too long” scrolling on my phone. Again, it’s an act of self-compassion.]

My default breakfast is soft scrambled eggs on buttered toast with Earl Grey or Chai tea on the side. I could eat this every day, so almost always do. [Some mornings, I don’t eat breakfast at all because I don’t feel hungry. I just wait until lunch to consume leftovers from the night before.]

This is the best part of the morning: getting dressed and doing my makeup and hair. [I anticipate this moment of self-expression and bringing my internal mood, external. I have so many options as a Flamboyant Gamine for communicating my heart through style.]

I post on IG, then walk the dog to get away from obsessively checking my phone. Then, get to work on what I have planned. I do my best to avoid overwhelm when it comes to my work. I give myself three major tasks to complete, anything else that gets done is a bonus. [I’m an Enneagram 9, so I need simple methods like this to prioritize, avoiding non-essential tasks and procrastination.]

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And that’s it! These are the major components of a mindful morning practice for me. The order may change or time spent in each “activity” may fluctuate, but this is what the morning usually looks like for me. Check out the video below to see an actual morning of mine and more in depth perspective of why these practices are important to me.

I work from home and have some flexibility in when I start on projects and videos. If you have a 9-5 kind of life, maybe consider incorporating aspects of this routine into your morning, or consider how to make your weekends or days-off more intentional.

Best to each of you, and much love,

FRANI

COME SPEND THE MORNING WITH ME: